We Love Camping!

Makelle easing into the water, she loved the mud in between her toes.
We had fun exploring the caves & even saw some cat tracks.. we couldn't tell whether it was a bob cat or a cougar

Makelle was a little trooper, she slept most of the ride & loved being outside.

The kids loved the river, it was kinda muddy & stinky though.

We took the kids to Moab this weekend. It was such a long drive! But so worth it. It's so pretty down there & so much for the kids to explore. Our trip started off with a bang... Ethan got car sick. I got a bag under him just in time. So we had to stop & dispose of that, but after he threw up he was fine. We took the kids to a river across the road from our camp site. Makelle had a blast. One of the pictures has her pants rolled up, that was the beginning. She loved it so much that we took off her clothes & she played in the water for a good half an hour. Her diaper got pretty gigantic, but who cares, she had a blast! Ethan had so much fun playing in the dirt & trying to catch lizards & snakes. Yay for trailers cause he definately needed a shower, his face was perma red, with all that red sand down there. Lexi loved climbing on the rocks & we all had fun at the caves.
There was a lot of relaxing & 4-wheeling. Much needed for me!

A Little More Zing in Life

Lexi is known as the fiery one at our house. She's terribly dramatic, everything she does she uses as much drama as a little 2 year old can. She's been my hard child, she has to do things in her own time & in her own way.. it has to be her idea. She brings so much into this family! She celebrated her 2nd birthday on Friday. I kept asking her what she wanted for her birthday & the only answer I could get out of her was "cupcakes!" She she got cupcakes.. she licked the frosting off & that was that.. (was all my hard work worth it? ya, she was happy) She got quite a few items for her babies, she loves, loves, loves babies! She got some "pretties" & hasn't taken them off yet.. and clothes. She kept telling me over & over "it's my birthday mom!" She seemed to have a good day, she enjoyed all the attention. Happy Birthday Lexi!

On another note... I ran my first 5K today. Me, my mom, Melissa & Jackie all ran the ADC (association for deaf children). I had fun doing it, it was hard training by myself. But I made it to the finish line & that's all that matters... plus I didn't come in last place; which I kinda thought I might. We're planning on running the Race for the Cure next year & I'm looking forward to it. It's nice having a purpose to run.

Birthday Boy

Time sure flies by, I swear it was just yesterday that we brought him home from the hospital. Ethan is such a sweet little boy! He's so polite & is always thinking about others' feelings. He's such a big helper! He loves to PLAY! He's finally understanding teasing. He's got such a tender heart that when his uncles & grandpa's would tease him he would cry, now he plays along. I love Ethan! I have so much love for all my kids, but Ethan holds a special place in my heart (considering he's the only boy) I don't love him any more than the rest of the kids, but he's sooo special!

We started out the celebration on Friday by going to the dinosaur museum. On his 3rd birthday he told me he wanted to go to the dinosaur museum, I gave him another option & he took that one; but then he whined that he wanted to go to the museum. For a whole year he's been asking to go, so I'm glad I don't have to hear about it anymore. We had a lot of fun, Gramma Jann came with us & helped us explore. Then we went to the restraunt that has the popcorn (Winger's)-Ethan's choice.

We celebrated Mother's Day on Thursday so Ethan could have his own day. He wanted chocolate chip cupcakes with blueberry frosting. Where do they come up with these ideas? I did the chocolate chips but I dyed the frosting blue, so it still tasted fine. We hiked up to Cherry Falls after church. The kids had lots of fun exploring by the water, it was quite the hike though. I had a rough time carrying Makelle in the snugli, but we made it. We got Ethan a fish for his birthday, he named it Marbalo (kinda like the bird on Stuart Little 2, except her name is Margalo).

Lexi thought it was like Christmas & was wondering where her presents were. She kept grabbing present after present & saying "mine?" I felt bad telling her no this one's for Ethan too. Luckily she doesn't have to wait too long for her birthday presents. This ran longer than I intended... in a nut shell... HAPPY BIRTHDAY ETHAN!

His Loving Arms

Despite my struggles in finding myself I have felt His loving arms around me everyday! I am overwhelmed with the love & support that has been shown to me. Each day someone says something or does something for me that uplilfts me & helps me get through the day. My testimony is not waivering, it continues to get stronger. But I am weary, constantly picking up toys & cleaning up food & running here & there. I am learning to find joy in this "weariness". My calling is to be a mother & a teacher right now & I have a renewed desire to show my children the joy they bring in to my life... I will not let them see my frustration & I express gratitude to my Heavenly Father for sleep!! Without my night's sleep I don't think I could make it. But I am blessed with a wonderful baby that sleeps through the night.

My dear friend & neighbor posted this link on her blog & as I read it I bawled! It was so uplifting. It spoke of a mother's love for her children. It was just the thing I needed to make it through this day, thanks Cheryl! Happy Mother's day to all mom's out there, but especially to my mom. She has given me so many words of comfort & been truely inspired in my behalf.

My kids are my life & I love them so much! I'm so blessed to be able to be a mom & to stay home with them. It amazes me that Heavenly Father knows me & exactly what I need. My kids are such a blessing!

Internal Struggles

Can I be the first to admit that I'm struggling!! Three kids is hard, & I am hard on myself. I demand perfection of myself (not of my kids), but when I can't keep up with the house & give all three kids all the attention they demand I beat up on myself. And then I wonder why I'm so unhappy. Life has so many demands & I'm not doing a good job at prioritizing. Last night I was talking to Jeff & telling him that I didn't have a desire try anymore he said, "Can I give you one of your mother's day presents early?" Of course I said yes, but I was wondering why he wasn't giving me any advice or help. He came up with a book called Daughters of God, by M. Russell Ballard. I started to cry, somehow I knew without even reading the book that this was the answer to my prayers. I thank my Heavenly Father for Jeff & for his willingness to obey the promptings of the Spirit to get this book for me. I started the book last night & burst into tears, it described EXACTLY how I was feeling... "There are moments of great joy & incredible fulfillment, but there are also moments of a sense of inadequacy, monotony & frustration. Mothers may feel they receive little or no appreciation for the choice they have made." It's so nice to hear those words from someone else, somebody else knows EXACTLY how i feel. And it's ok to feel that way! As I read on it asked this question: "What can you do, as a young mother, to reduce the pressure & enjoy your family more?"

As I've thought about that question as I've gone about my day today, I realize that life isn't about having perfection in everything I do. As long as I try my best in raising my children how my Heavenly Father wants them raised & that probably means that I have to let my house stay a little dirty. "It is crucial to focus on our children for the short time we have them with us and to seek, with the help of the Lord, to teach them all we can before they leave our homes."

I love my children and am so grateful for the opportunity I have to be a mother. Despite the enormous amount of pressure I feel to teach them the gospel so they can make the right choices when they're faced with temptations, I know I have my Heavenly Father's help. He's there, listening to me & helping me. I have a renewed desire to be a better mom & live in the moments that bring me happiness & joy.